Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
