after a month anything with tits is on the radar
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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