She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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