I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
one might say we're banned from that church
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
