I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
