It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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