I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
