His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Pants are for mortals
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
