Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
why do cheetos always look like penises
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
