i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
