Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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