Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
