I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Randomize
