he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize