how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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