The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
