Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
