five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize