You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
