Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
why is half of my head shaved?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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