He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
