Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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