she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
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