i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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