left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
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