Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
