So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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