Ambien. No doubt about it.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Randomize
