Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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