so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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