It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
