I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
