Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
