the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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