roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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