bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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