She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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