it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
he told me I talked like a deaf person
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
