Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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