First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
