Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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