bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
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