look no pants
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
