My friends, they love my intelligence
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
