Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
So many bounce houses so little time
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
