i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
