I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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