If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
