I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Your penis caused this!
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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