listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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