Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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