So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
