She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
