i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
