i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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