8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
smell my finger.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
