there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Randomize
