so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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