Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I licked your asshole in confidence.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize