I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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