Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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