How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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