i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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