i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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