Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
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