if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
