Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
