she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
