trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
