I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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