WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
