omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
