so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
