I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
