I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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