Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
