He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
