No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
