walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize