Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
never play flip cup with pint glasses
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
