hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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