I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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