I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
