Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
