Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
You ruined the universe
Randomize
