i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
