well you can't waste a boner
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
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